Red tent.

If I could describe in words how unlike myself I feel today, and the past few days in general, it would be welcome relief.  However, I can't.  I feel totally and utterly out of sorts.  I don't generally have to question where this kind of mood comes from; fortunately for me, I always know.  Usually, I don't have unexplained moodiness, it's the uterus, it's an especially bad case of PMS.  One that has me crying as I write this.  Please don't feel bad, I don't even have a legitimate reason to be crying, but alas, I cry.

  

During all of this crying, I found myself thinking, "If I only had a place to go where I could cry and no one would question it.  If there was a place I could go to get away from the world and just feel crappy PMS ass."  Then I cried even harder wishing that my world had safe places for women who need support before and during menstruation; I want to go to the red tent.  Sure, the red tent is reserved for women who are actually menstruating but I'd kill to be able to go to one today.  I am craving escape, understanding, comradery, a nap, a good laugh, distraction, and the empathy of other women.

Many cultures around the world currently have menstrual huts as part of life.  Native American cultures are famous for the menstrual huts that women would go to during menstruation to bond, celebrate femininity, and encourage creativity during a time where women were believed to be more connected intuitively. 

It's clear as to why we don't have these special places in the Western world now.  Our periods are something that we are supposed to hide.  Our periods are something we are supposed to be ashamed of and feel is "disgusting".  A menstrual hut would not only blow these bullshit beliefs and habits out of the water, but would encourage the beauty and special nature of this time, the connection with our womanhood and our sisters, the celebration of all things feminine.  Celebration?! That's right.  

Rarely do I feel this out of sorts.  Perhaps it can be chocked up to the fact that the weather is HORRIBLE these past few days and I'm likely mourning the arrival of ultra-wintry weather, but fuuuuuck I feel awful.  I even got into a Facebook fight with a dear friend in Egypt.  Then I cried.  Then I texted a friend.  Then I cried.  Then I listened to music.  Then I cried.  This is madness, nobody should be forced into society in this condition.  I want to be locked up in the red tent until emotionally functional Sarah returns.

       

Saving Private Daylight.

Today is a day that many folks do not look forward to.  Today at "2am" it suddenly went right back to 1am.  I literally watched my phone change time from 1:59am to 1:00am.  An extra hour of sleeping, or other extra curricular activities..., don't mind if I do!!  I love it, I love the time change.  

Sure, I think it's stupid that we change the clocks in some sort of human attempt to control the uncontrollable; time is relative anyways and, what difference does it truly make to change the clock?  Though most of the world does not practice "Daylight Savings Time", and even some states in our country, alas it is here:  Five months of darkness.  

Now, I'm no ignoramus, I understand that it is, in fact the orbit of the Earth around the Sun and not the changing of the clocks that makes the daylight fleeting.  But the fact that we change the clocks, in turn, makes the sunset happen earlier bringing what I call "The Darkness".  I LOVE The Darkness!

For a lot of my life, I struggled with the lack of sunlight in the winter.  I had the typical seasonal depression, hated the change of seasons to cold and dark, and the nights that never seemed to end(I still hate the change of seasons to cold).  Spring eventually worked it's way back into life and the daylight increased after what felt like years of darkness.

About eleven years ago, I decided to make a change.  I consciously decided that instead of choosing to loathe The Darkness, I would embrace it; I would enjoy it, love it, need it.  I decided that I would fool myself into liking The Darkness by telling myself that I needed it to do certain things; for example, if I wanted to watch a movie I would need to wait until it got dark.  If I wanted to make a phone call or smoke a bowl or clean my house, I would need to wait until it got dark.  Pretty easy to do really since the sun goes down at like 4pm for a good part of winter.  But the seemingly magical part is that it worked like a charm!  By simply telling myself that I needed The Darkness, wanted it and loved it, I found that I did need it, want it and love it.  Yay for The Darkness!  My personal mind game proved fantastic results and I've never been the same since, almost looking forward to this time of year as opposed to dreading it.

There is so much that is mysterious and magical about the dark hours of the day, especially when there are so many dark hours in one day.  Darkness is when we rest and rejuvenate.  Darkness is when we feel more comfortable with intimacy and, darkness beckons love making.  The Darkness allows for for much of the external world to be unavailable for viewing thus allowing introspection and self reflection.  The Darkness is when we escape the hustle and bustle of the daylight hours.

So as the season of The Darkness is upon us, I reflect back on that day when I changed my mind about it, and I feel really grateful.  I will embrace and enjoy the many lightless hours of night in the next few months.  Now if I could only convince myself of the same when it comes to the cold temps, I'd be set...