Thursday, November 19, 2009

Re-focus.

Having all this time to kill tonight, I was reading on fatcyclist.com. Basically an awesome blog mostly about cycling, but also the recent health decline and death from cancer of the author's wife. I was in all sorts of tears, blubbering like a fool, but for legitimate pain and heartbreak suffered by an extremely undeserving family.

But enough about Fatty. Sometimes when I have too much time to sit around doing nothing(ie: now)I get all wierd, depressed, moody and the like. These moods rarely last more than a few minutes and I have to remind myself that I am recovering from a virus that rocked my world, postponed my trip and is now filling my lungs with post-viral goo. That on top of the fact it has been a week since I've ridden my bike, my breaking point(I will ride tomorrow, come hell or high water, or high level lung goo).

I try my damndest to not live a day without realizing what a blessed existence I live. I am living my personal dream by being able to do exactly what it is I want to do. I have a healthy body(sick mind). I have a healthy family(sick minds), including the cutest nieces and nephews this world has ever seen. I have an amazing money making skill at my beckon call, something with which I am very good and enjoy thoroughly. I have all the "things" I want, basically meaning a passport, clothes, and bicycles. I have earned the respect of numerous people the world over. I have and have had powerful experiences that resemble things only stories can invent. I have been humbled by the positive reaction I cause in people. I have the ability to adapt to any situation(save winter), and can fall into any group of people and be one of them. I can go anywhere, do anything.

I have been blessed with the gift to inspire, a gift I do not take lightly and have only very recently come to fully accept and embrace.

I make people smile, I help people to dream.

I do not let negative people get me down, or negative situations bum me out. Rather, I am consistently thankful I am not living that existence and sometimes try to put a smile on the face or turn the mood of a particular cranky one. A silly dance usually does the trick. If you are currently not laughing, you have not seen my silly dancing.

I realize and live with the wisdom that nothing lasts forever, not the good, not the bad, so to embrace it is the only option. I believe one of the greatest gifts one can give oneself is the ability to live in the moment, right now, today. Why bother obsessing over yesterday and tomorrow? All we have is today, live in it!

I'm not trying to glorify myself and brag about how wonderful I am. I could fill equally as much space(if not more)with my mistakes, faults and struggles, but then that would completely defeat the purpose. It's those things I do not focus on, but work on and learn from instead, all the while keeping my good qualities on my side of the fight. How could I possibly achieve what I do in my life if I'm beating myself up as opposed to building myself up? Ask yourself that one.

I try my hardest to never forget these things, among the many others. No matter what happens to me, stupid changed plans, heartbreak, robberies, or whatever, I never lose sight of the fact that things can always, always be worse. This is not to say my life is easy, but in perspective, it is. I also never forget that this is something I have earned, nobody gave this to me. I chose this, as it is certainly a choice, and I work for it. I have been on the dark side, very, very dark, but I decided long ago, that stuff is not for me. Simple as that, with lots of hard work.

If anyone is ever feeling all sorry for themselves, fatcyclist.com, the July and August archives will change your perspective pretty quickly.

Even if it means making your own blog to write how great your life is, never lose sight of what is truly important.



Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Gettin' on a jet plane. . .NOT!

I'm writing this from my fancy laptop whilst flying over the Carribean on my way to Colombia, yay!! Oh, wait, that is in my fever hallucinations. In fact, I'm wearing like four layers of pajamas in an attempt to keep warm and feel semi-normal whilst fight off this demon virus that has kept me here in USA, still! Again!!

As is the way any and all of my epic trips have gone, this one would not have panned out appropriately if it had not changed dramatically just before it was supposed to happen. In fact, I am going to Colombia because of a trip that changed dramatically, and didn't even happen. Remember when I was "planning" on going to Africa to visit my sister?? Instead of going to Africa, I stayed and worked way too much, likely promoting this illness.

My flight to Colombia departed at 6:15am, this morning. Yesterday, after being in denial for three days about being sick, I could no longer deny when my fever spiked nearly three degrees in about as many minutes. Off to the doctor I went. At the clinic, I was diagnosed as not having the flu or strep, though my symptoms screamed of flu. Then what the hell do I have? I am led to believe that I have a case of "planned another trip", thus making sure it didn't happen.

Honestly, this is ridiculous. In the three months I have been here, I have missed six flights that I would have been on if everything would ever go even remotely as planned. First, I was supposed to go to Morocco, then from Morocco to Egypt and back, then from Morocco to back to USA, also had a return flight to Guatemala, and finally this one to Colombia. Impressive.

However, I have to realize that this is all a blessing in disguise as all my changed plans have always been. I really did work too much while I was here, leaving me no time to see friends and family. This affords me the opportunity to see people I love and care about. I was also really stressed about having enough time to properly prepare, which I am also relieved about. Every time this happens, which is every time, it always happens for just the right reasons, just the right timing and usually turns out to be beautiful and wonderful in ways I could never have imagined.

So as of right now, I am here in Colorado until next Friday night. And god only knows what could happen between now and then!


Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I love halloween!

Any holiday that is purely about costumes and candy is the greatest holiday anyone could have ever thought up. Rock on!!