For those of you that don't already know, I have the greatest couch in the world. Doubt me? Then you haven't seen it, or sat on it, or slept on it. I purchased this wonderful couch over ten years ago when I only had a crappy futon functioning as a couch and had too many people over, too many times and realized I needed a real couch. Little did I know that I would buy practically the biggest couch that was in the entire store. I couldn't help myself. As my brother and I sat on the floor model and looked at each other from nearly ten feet away, we both knew.
It was one of the first times I had a few friends over to enjoy this enormous beauty of a piece of furniture that someone said, "It's like a puffy puppy!" She was right, it was very soft, puffy and puppy like. Since that fateful night, my couch has been known as the Puffy Puppy. It was also decided at some point that the Puffy Puppy eats farts and requires a certain dose of them. Thankfully, everyone I know has obliged. The Puppy will not starve!
Now, being a barber without borders, I have spent a lot of time away from Colorado. The Puffy Puppy has never spent time away from Colorado, so for years it sat at my mom's house, getting farted on there. My mom is gassy, as is my entire family, so I know the Puppy ate well there also.
Last year when I decided to stay in Denver and my mother decided to leave Denver, I knew it was time to take the Puffy Puppy back into my own possession. It was a bit of an arduous task getting that thing out of my mother's basement, but alas, it's out. Looking for an apartment that can fit the Puppy was the other arduous task. I'm not made of money, so I'm not able to get an enormous place, but I'm sitting comfortably on the Puppy as I write this, so all is well.
The Puffy Puppy is the best couch a girl could ask for. I have resisted selling it all these years as I've traveled because I knew that someday I would regret selling it. I have slept probably the total of one year's worth of nights on the Puppy. I have had many a friend over, eventually giving into its powers of relaxation and staying the night. My friend Cassie even called it an abyss. She's right. I have nursed the flu on the Puppy. I have smoked pounds of weed on the Puppy. I have had killer make out sessions on the Puppy. I have laughed, I have cried, I have eaten and I have cursed sports teams, all on the Puffiest of Puppies. Though I would not consider the Puffy Puppy a rescue animal, it has certainly rescued me.