I can see right through people. I don't mean that I can literally see through people, that would be amazing!(and kind of gross since I'm grossed out by guts) However, over the last two years I have been on a spiritual journey that has involved some powerful moments of enlightenment allowing me to see more and more the layers of life and how all is connected.
Two years ago when I lived in LA, and after a very frustrating and disheartening experience, I came to the conclusion that I needed to finally turn the sights inward and look deep within myself as opposed to continuing to look towards the external world for my answers and my happiness. I sought a guide/teacher to help me facilitate this and happened to have people in my life at that time that were already connected to these types of gurus. I found a teacher and I dove in head first.
One of the first things that was brought to my attention during my initial meeting with the man that was my teacher is that I am extremely intuitive. I'm like, "What?!". To me an intuitive person was basically a psychic or a tarot card reader or a gypsy. I really did not know what to think of this attribute of intuition within myself as I never saw myself as a psychic. Sure, I could look back on my life and see a few big situations where I made decisions based on my heart or my gut feeling that later proved to be the right decisions. I suppose this is intuitive, and I later came to realize that these decisions were most certainly unconscious intuition in action.
I'll be honest with you, but more importantly with myself, I have been somewhat wishy-washy with my commitment to a spiritual practice throughout the past two years. I begin to see results and then for whatever reason, I lose motivation. That being said, I renewed my commitment in September after struggling with a dark bout of depression over the summer and recognized that I had to change up something or I was going to off myself. I began to meditate every day again, I examined the relationships in my life seeing which ones were nurturing, I took more time for myself, etc. I began to notice a difference almost immediately and was grateful that the cloud was lifting. I also knew that I could not stray in the least or things could easily take a turn for the worse. All of it has paid off significantly in the past months.
I have always had a keen nature with people and personalities. In the last few months, I have noticed a significantly elevated ability to know a lot about someone from just a few pieces of information, or from a brief interaction. I feel like with just a small amount of information, I can pinpoint things deep inside of someone that they have likely never known about themselves, or haven't wanted anyone to know about. I can read someone's energy almost immediately upon meeting or seeing them. One of the biggest changes I've noticed lately is that I am beginning to see people as much more than just packaging; more than just brown hair and green eyes, for example. I see childhood pain, fears, dreams, strengths, insecurities, ego, sexual dysfunction and a host of other factors that make up a person. I am seeing the aura of a person, and it's powerful and freaky at the same time. It's as though my intake valve has been unclogged. I'm receiving what feels like an overflow of information, when I'm really seeing what's been there all along but was stuck behind the clogged information entryway.
Call me cuckoo, I don't care. I know what I see is real and that I'm not just making stuff up about strangers and situations. One thing my teacher always told me was to never ever doubt my intuition, for it is never wrong. Even if what I'm seeing is only true to me, it is still true. Oftentimes, I come to find that what I see and feel about a person is 100% correct. Occasionally I do begin to doubt what I'm seeing and feeling about a person or situation, but then I remind myself that I am focused, committed, and on the right path, so what is coming to me is from a correct source and not something I'm making up in order to justify behavior in which I should not be involved.
Sounds fun, huh? Being able to read so much about someone. Sometimes I wish I didn't know so much. It's a blessing and something of a curse all at the same time. I appreciate the intuitions, but I also see so much more than the person sees themselves. God forbid I say anything I know about them and trigger the insecurities I so clearly see as well. Scares the shit out of people that I know so much about them and have the confidence to say it. Plenty of folks have run the other way.
This is a gift that I'm still learning a lot about and a gift that is in its initial phases of blossoming. I will continue on my path, meditating and examining the inner workings of my being while remaining open to new information, new habits, new patterns. Even this one hundred day writing challenge was an intuitive venture. I'd love to hone my intuition to be able to change lives and help people. Time, intention, action. As I go along, don't be surprised if I just blurt something out that seems to come from nowhere, I'm also learning to find my voice.